Hello, gentlemen. Here's a question for you — Have you ever wanted to hump a grapefruit? Actually, wait, let me rephrase — have you ever wanted to be blindfolded while your girlfriend slides a warm grapefruit up and down your manhood?
If you’ve never even heard or thought of anything like this before, you’re not alone. I didn’t even know this was a real thing. However, this kinky sex act, known as "grapefruiting," is actually kind of common.
Introduced by Auntie Angel, a woman who’s known for her sex tips and as the official “Grapefruit Technique Lady,” grapefruiting has been around for a while now, and is basically a blowjob done with a grapefruit instead of a mouth.
“I believe every man should get grapefruited,” Auntie Angel says, encouraging all the ladies out there to grab a grapefruit, cut a hole in it, and slip it over their man’s dingdong.
“When you grapefruit your man, it’s going to feel as if you’re giving him head and humping him at the same time."
Hmm...despite how great that must be, I’m not sure how my dude would respond if I were to suggest I hump him with a grapefruit. Would he be turned on by the thought of getting off from a citrus fruit? Or would he promptly dump me?
I’d say, “Babe, let’s try something different tonight,” and he’d probably think I’m suggesting anal, or something. But no. I’d whip out a cored grapefruit and gently smile at him while quoting Auntie Angel: “No better feeling.”
Anyway, just why is grapefruiting a topic of discussion now, over three years after the video was released? Well, it’s because the new feel-good comedy, Girls Trip, has a scene where comedian Tiffany Haddish teaches Jada Pinkett-Smith how to grapefruit her new boo, and when people saw this scene, they thought: “Jesus H. Christ. That’s hilarious...and might actually feel good. I wonder who came up with this ungodly technique.”
Well, who was it? Was it Tiffany Haddish, or was it Auntie Angel?
“I told her about my crap. If she wants to teach the world, then teach the world. I talk about it on stage, I’ve done jokes about it for years, but she demonstrated it.”
Well, considering there's no evidence to support Haddish's claims that grapefruiting is her thing, and because Auntie Angel's video came out in 2014, she can keep her crown as the OG grapefruiter.
In conclusion, my friends, it would seem as though grapefruiting is an actual thing, and should you ever want to try it out, just know that Auntie Angel would be proud of you.